


Crouching Spider, Hidden Falcon

by ilostmyshoe



Series: A Good Man is Hard to Be (aka Sam Wilson is a National Treasure) [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Laser Tag, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-07 01:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12222561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilostmyshoe/pseuds/ilostmyshoe
Summary: Steve and Bucky fought side by side for years, but they’ve never faced a battle quite like this.A.K.A. It’s Sam’s birthday, and he only has one request: SUPERHERO LASER TAG.





	1. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [TheRothwoman](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRothwoman/pseuds/TheRothwoman) for the shiny art.
> 
> Thanks to the mods for organizing a great Bang, and thanks to [stars_inthe_sky](http://archiveofourown.org/users/stars_inthe_sky/pseuds/stars_inthe_sky/works), my once and future beta.

The rules flash on the screen in big, bold, neon letters.

 _1\. NO RUNNING OR CLIMBING_  
_2\. NO PUSHING OR SHOVING_  
_3\. NO BLOCKING VEST SENSORS_  
_4\. EACH PLAYER MUST STAY FIVE FEET AWAY FROM OTHER PLAYERS AT ALL TIMES_  
_5\. NO FOOD, DRINKS, OR GUM IN THE ARENA_

_Pregnant women and individuals with high blood pressure, heart conditions, asthma, recent surgery, illness, injury, equilibrium/ear problems, or diabetes play at their own risk._

Barnes snorts. “Hey, Steve, maybe we shouldn’t play this dumb game after all. You’re disqualified by every one of those things—well, except the diabetes.”

“Maybe you should go fuck yourself.” Steve sounds annoyed, but there’s a twinkle in his eyes, and he lets Barnes drape that heavy, metal arm over his shoulder and tug him away from Sam.

“I’m sure Steve’ll manage somehow. Statute of limitations has to kick in after half a century. I think you’re just scared of a little competition.” Natasha bumps Barnes’s other shoulder with her own. He lets go of Steve to shove her back, but she ducks and dodges just beyond his reach. Grinning, he gives chase.

Sam’s momentarily glad that the small ready room is empty except for the four of them. He turns away from them, ignores the instructional video, and catches Steve’s eye. “Pregnant? Seriously?”

Over his shoulder he hears Barnes guffaw. The sound is cut short when Natasha uses the distraction to bounce off of the wall and onto Barnes’s shoulders.

Steve flushes and shrugs sheepishly. “Hydra experiment. Nazis do weird shit.”

Sam opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again, and just shakes his head. “You know what? I’m not even gonna ask.”

“Good call. The story’s not nearly as good as you’d think.” Natasha manages to keep her legs wrapped around Barnes’s neck even as he catches one of her arms and pulls her upside down.

Sam does a double take from Steve to Natasha and back. “Wait, Natasha knows? Why does Natasha know and I don’t?”

Steve holds out his hands helplessly. “Superspy. It’s her job.”

“Actually,” she pipes up from where she and Barnes are tangled on the floor. “This _pridurok_ just has a big mouth.”

Steve winces. “That too.”

Sam rolls his eyes. “Whatever. Let’s just focus on the game. Today’s supposed to be fun.”

Steve seems uncertain for a moment, but then he breaks into a reassuring grin. “Well, it’s your day and your idea, so you should pick the teams.”

Barnes and Natasha disengage and stand up.

“Let me guess,” Barnes says, “You and lover boy,” He gestures to Sam and Steve, “Versus the two of us.”

Sam tilts his head in exaggerated indecision, “Actually, I’m gonna go with the superspy.” He can’t tell if the look in Steve’s eyes is slightly hurt or just thoughtful.

Natasha jumps in with mock concern. “But Sam, think of the nonagenarians! Do they even know what lasers are?”

Barnes scoffs. “Steve and I have been fighting together since long before you were born. I think we can handle a kid’s game.”

“Your call.” Natasha smirks at Sam, who grins back.

At that moment the video ends, the lights come back on, and the teenage employee running the game steps into the room.

“So, that’s how the game works. Any questions?” she asks in a bored monotone, either not noticing or not caring that this isn’t her usual group of preteens, college kids, or office workers out for a bonding experience.

“Nope. I think we’re good.” Sam‘s most winning smile doesn’t even seem to register with her.

“Whatever. Pick your packs, buckle them on, then come over here so I can activate them.”

Sam pulls his blue pack over his head and then goes to help Steve. The pack’s straps strain to reach around Steve’s pecs. Dwarfed by Steve’s size, the chunky, neon-orange chest plate looks even more ridiculous than it would otherwise.

“Just…don’t take any deep breaths,” Sam manages to keep his voice level, but behind him he hears Natasha snort in amusement.

“Noted. Happy birthday.” Steve leans forward to kiss Sam, but their packs clack against each other instead.

“Damn,” Sam says, “Guess you’ll just have to wait until after we’ve kicked your butts.”

“That’s what you think is going to happen here?”

“That’s what I _know_ is going to happen. Will you still love me after?”

“Yeah, yeah. Very touching. Let’s play already.” Barnes leads the group into the arena.


	2. Round 1: Fight!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a more immersive experience, open the [Laser Tag soundtrack](https://youtu.be/_sKh9ZyyABI?t=4m10s) in another tab/window.

“Round one begins in three...two...one...now!” The automated voice booms over a tinny, electronic cover of Darth Vader’s theme music.

“Gum?” Natasha pops a piece into her mouth and holds another out to Sam.

“Uh, sure. Thanks.” He takes it from her. They’re standing in front of the blue home base.

“So, got a plan, birthday boy?” Natasha asks and blows a bubble.

“You go low; I go high?”

The bubble pops. “Works for me. Whistle when you find them? Once for one, twice for both, high or low depending on which level they’re on.”

“Right,” Sam drawls, “Keeping it simple.”

“I trust you to keep up.”

They split. Sam heads toward the far wall opposite the entrance where he’s pretty sure he can see a ramp. He hurries up it in a slight crouch, keeping an eye and ear out for his opponents—the glint of neon reflected off of Barnes’s arm, the sound of its hydraulics, the heavy tread of Barnes’s boots. Okay, if he’s honest Barnes is the one he’s most looking forward to shooting.

So, of course, it’s Steve he sees first, walking slowly through the bottom level, his white t-shirt gleaming under the black lights. Sam shakes his head fondly at his boyfriend’s stubborn refusal to change his outfit, in spite of its clear tactical drawbacks. At least Steve’s civvies don’t feature a red, white, and blue target.

Sam looks around one more time for Barnes, then lets out a low whistle for Natasha and strafes across his boyfriend’s shoulder and breastplate sensors. Steve looks up at the sound and tries to shoot, but Sam’s safe behind the half-wall that borders the balcony, and he doesn’t feel a single hit.

He lets out a second round of shots, and Steve instinctively hunkers down and raises his right forearm in defense, which just makes the sensor on his gun an easy target. Sam isn’t sure if Steve missed the video’s explanation about the sensor locations or if he’s just forgotten, but Steve’s kit definitely buzzes at least ten more times before he manages to find shelter where Sam can’t get him.

Sam moves forward in a crouch and tries to find Steve from a new angle.

Then a voice behind Sam barks, “Freeze, Wilson!”

For a second, Sam does, but then he remembers that the game doesn’t have a sudden-death kill shot; even at point-blank range, Barnes will need to hit him a dozen times to take him out. So Sam runs, ducking and weaving around obstacles, listening for the sound of Barnes’s gun firing and waiting to feel a buzz that never comes.

“Damn it!” Steve shouts on the other side of the room. Natasha must have finished him.

“Shit! Steve!” Sam feels as well as hears Barnes’s heavy tread shake the raised level that they’re on. Now that he’s no longer trying to be stealthy it’s easy to tell that Barnes is heading back to meet up with Steve at their base. Sam stops fleeing and turns to follow him more quietly, moving from cover to cover as quickly as he can.

When he sees the orange base it’s clear his caution was unnecessary.

Steve and Barnes are arguing and pointing at their team’s score board, completely oblivious to their surroundings. Sam’s about to show them the error of letting their guards down when he sees the scores. His jaw drops.

His score is in the triple digits. Natasha’s is nearing one thousand. Steve and Barnes are both tied—at zero. How is that possible?

“It’s not even fun anymore.” Natasha materializes at Sam’s side—he’s pretty sure he controls his flinch before she notices, but she smirks at him anyway. “I mean, it’s still _funny_ , but it isn’t _fun._ ”

“How? How are they _that_ bad?”

“Watch.”

Natasha strolls into the area in front of the base. “Hi, fellas. Miss me?”

She alternates double taps between them— _pew pew, pew pew_ —taking increasingly ridiculous poses and leaving herself wide open. Steve furrows his brow, carefully aims, squeezes his trigger...and nothing happens.

Barnes’s arms hang at his sides and he glowers into the middle distance, refusing to look at either of them.

Sam steps out to join the group, and Barnes’s glare shifts to focus on him.

Barnes shouts, “You! This is why you chose her! What did you do?”

“Listen to instructions?” Sam accompanies his explanation with an slightly exaggerated pantomime. “Pulling the trigger isn’t enough. Your second hand needs to push the buttons on the barrel if you want to shoot. Like this.” He shoots Barnes a couple of times in the chest and grins.

Steve adjusts his grip and shoots Natasha and Sam in quick succession. “Hey! It works!”

Barnes looks down at his gun in disbelief. He raises it and shoots Natasha on the shoulder. Her sensor flashes. She winks at him.

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.” She shrugs.

A harsh crunch echoes in the arena. Sam isn’t sure what it was at first, but then he sees that Barnes’s metal hand has crushed his gun barrel.

“I think you need a new one.” Steve says nonchalantly, but he’s biting back a smile.

“Better hurry, _milii moi_.” Natasha adds.

Barnes glares at each of them and throws down his gun. Of course, it’s still attached to his pack, so it doesn’t actually hit the ground. Instead it dangles forlornly behind him, bouncing against the backs of his knees as he stomps to the exit.

Steve does his best, but with two-to-one odds he spends most of the remaining two minutes in varying degrees of strategic retreat. By the time Bucky returns to the arena with a new pack and a look of grim determination on his face it’s too late. The lights flash, and the automated voice booms, “Round one—over. Blue team wins!”


	3. Round 2: Fight!

“Round two begins in three...two...one...now!”

Sam and Natasha split up again, but, this time, Sam finds Steve and Barnes together. He spots them on the upper level, scouring the arena as a pair—Steve darting ahead while Barnes provides cover.

Sam hurries over to the closest ramp; it’s dangerously exposed, but it’s one of only two ways up. He estimates the pair’s location based on the speed they were moving and the occasional sound of the platform straining under their combined weight. He’s pretty sure they’re far enough away that he can make it up without being seen.

He’s wrong.

He just makes it to the hairpin turn at the halfway point when he sees Steve hop over an upper railing, twist in mid-air, and start shooting at Sam even before his feet hit ground level.

Sam crouches down as low as he can to get maximum cover from the ramp’s half-wall. Every couple of seconds he feels his pack vibrate with a hit—Steve’s damned height givies him just enough of an angle to make the shot, even from below.

Giving up on hiding, Sam peeks over the edge and fires off a couple of shots, but Steve manages to block all of them with his forearm. He’s impossibly efficient at switching his grip to block and shoot with dizzying speed.

Sam stares for a second, caught up in the beauty of his movements. Barnes chooses that moment to step around the corner onto the top of the ramp and hit Sam with a barrage of shots.

Sam pivots to return fire only to have Barnes step back into cover, allowing Steve to strafe Sam’s now-exposed flank.

Sam’s considering making a run for it when Natasha appears out of nowhere. She gets Barnes from behind with an intense flurry of shots then slides down the ramp on her knees, bending back almost to the floor to continue shooting him as she goes.

Steve moves closer to try to get her in his sights. While he’s distracted, Sam hops over the half-wall and slips around him, getting in a couple of good parting shots before hurrying back to the blue base to recharge.

After that, things only get more intense.

First, Natasha scales the various obstacles effortlessly, while Steve just jumps from the ground floor to the upper one in pursuit. Then, Sam finds Barnes sniping from an unauthorized position near the ceiling. Sam climbs to a parallel point and takes him out, because like hell is he going to let Barnes keep the literal high ground.

After they both recharge, Sam gets a great shot bouncing his laser off of Barnes’s metal arm to shoot Steve around a corner. Unfortunately, Steve and Barnes turn around and use the move against Natasha to deadly effect. They follow her to the blue recharge station, but when they get there, Sam’s ready to help her spring an ambush.

The round is almost up when Barnes plows into Sam, pressing him into a corner until he’s physically pinned against the wall with his toes barely touching the ground. It’s so unexpected that Sam gasps and almost chokes on his gum. Barnes manages to hold Sam there with his shoulder and angle his gun to shoot him continually.

“What the hell, man? Put me down!” Sam tries to squirm free, but he has almost no leverage.

“C’mon, Buck, that’s enough.” Steve coaxes.

“Drop him, James,” The chill in Nat’s voice leaves no room for argument.

Barnes lets Sam go and steps back. Sam manages to catch himself on the wall and turns around to glare at Barnes.

“There. Everybody good?” Steve has the gall to look at Sam imploringly.

“The rules say five feet apart at all times. That—” Natasha jerks her head towards Barnes and Sam, “Was not five feet.”

“The rules also say, ‘No climbing.’ You can’t expect us to follow the rules and place yourself above them. It’s all or nothing.” Steve seems to warm to his own self-righteousness.

“Yeah. All’s fair in love and war.” Barnes smirks.

Sam ignores him and catches Steve’s eye. “So, that’s how it is?”

Steve smiles at him and says, “Yeah, that’s how it is.”

Against his better judgment, Sam finds himself smiling back.

The lights flash. “Round two—over. Orange team wins.” Sam thinks he sees Steve flinch slightly at the announcement.

Natasha’s glare could cut glass. “Just remember, you two asked for it.”


	4. Round 3: Fight!

“Round three—final round—begins in three...two...one...go!”

Sam and Natasha crouch back to back with their shoulders against their base.

“Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“Tell me to be the better person.”

Sam turns to look at her directly. “What?”

Natasha is fiddling with something in her hands. Looking more closely, Sam can see it’s some kind of console.

“They said, ‘Anything goes.’ I could make them regret it. Tell me to be the better person. Or, you know, don’t.”

Sam’s curiosity gets the better of him. “Regret it how?”

She holds up the console. “Well, I’ve got total access to the system, so pretty much anything you want. Disable their guns. Redirect their points to our team. Say the word; it’s done. Consider it a birthday present.”

Sam sighs and lets his head drop back against the base. “Tempting, but remember what you said at the beginning?”

“It’s no fun when it’s too easy?”

“Yeah.”

“So, what? We follow the rules?”

“I wouldn’t go that far...”

Sam and Natasha stick together this time. They aren’t always within sight of each other, but they’re never more than a couple of steps out of the other’s view. Whenever Steve or Barnes gets close to one of them, the other initiates a sneak attack that keeps the nonagenarians from using their size as an advantage.

The battle wends its way through the arena until it culminates in a two-on-two shootout in the central square that leaves booth teams completely out of ammo.

Natasha and Sam hurry to their base. They both have just finished recharging when they hear a loud, “Fuck!” from the other side of the arena.

They make their way over to the orange base to see Bucky and Steve frantically waving their guns in the air.

“Problem, boys?” Natasha asks.

Steve and Barnes glare at her.

She turns to Sam. “Does this feel oddly familiar to you?”

He tilts his head to the side. “You know, it does. It’s almost like _deja vu_ all over again.”

“Except this time,” Steve says. “One of you actually did screw us over.”

“You said all’s fair. We’re just following your lead.” Sam gestures to himself and Natasha and then to Steve and Barnes.

“Natalia, what the fuck did you do?” Barnes asks.

“I put a device on the barrel of your gun. It randomly shifts your line of fire by a couple of degrees every ten to fifteen seconds.”

“The fuck does that have to do with our guns not recharging?”

“Nothing.” She shrugs. “That’s all Sam.”

Sam loudly smacks his gum, blows a big bubble, and grins as he pops it. “Caw, caw, motherfuckers.”

Steve and Barnes look from Sam’s gum to the base sensor and back.

Steve’s eyes narrow, but he grins and shakes his head as he says, “Oh, you fucker.”

Steve and Barnes both immediately start trying to climb the base to reach the sensor to clean it out. The tower isn’t wide enough for both of them, so they mostly end up in each other’s way.

Sam and Natasha start firing. It’s almost too easy. They even have time to go back to their base to refill their ammo before Steve and Barnes manage to get the sensor clean enough to work.

Natasha turns to Sam, “You were right. It’s a delicate balance. Doing too much would have spoiled it, but this?”

Sam grins, “This just makes it better.”

They fist bump. The arena lights flash.

“Round three—over. Blue team wins.”


	5. Aftermath

As they exit the arena and take off their packs, Barnes is first to break the relative silence.

“Next time,” he says, gruffly, “Bird-boy’s on my team.”

Sam misses a step and almost trips. He isn’t sure what response he was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t that.

“You wish! No way are you breaking up our team supreme! Right, Sam?” Natasha turns to him for confirmation, then looks momentarily uncertain. “Or did you want to partner with Steve?”

“Oh, uh, I—” Sam stutters.

“Actually,” Steve breaks in, sliding his arm around Sam’s waist and pulling him against his side, “I think next time we should _all_ be on the same team.”

“Why? Are you getting sentimental in your old age?” Barnes asks.

Steve shrugs and puts his free hand over his heart. “What can I say? I just get all warm and fuzzy inside when I picture us grinding Tony’s team into dust.”

Natasha grins evilly. “I’m in.”

Barnes nods. “Me, too.”

Steve turns to Sam. “What do you say?”

“Dude, Captain America needs my help. When do we start?” Sam smirks at Steve.

Steve turns to face Sam fully, wraps both arms around his waist, and kisses him. Sam can hear Barnes fake gagging in the background, but he just pulls Steve closer and deepens the kiss.

When they separate Barnes and Natasha are nowhere to be seen.

“So,” Sam says, “You need me, huh?”

“You said it, not me.”

They keep their arms entwined as they leave the building.

“But, honestly, you want us to team up because you’re scared you’ll lose again.”

“Scared of Natasha, _maybe_.” Steve admits.

“Uh-huh. Right. Keep telling yourself that.”

“Sam?”

“Yeah?”

Steve leans down and kisses him again.

“Happy birthday.”

And it was.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Art] Crouching Spider, Hidden Falcon](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12228531) by [TheRothwoman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRothwoman/pseuds/TheRothwoman)




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